Things I will never say

There are words that I carry. Thoughts that never make it past my lips. Feelings that stay tucked away in the corners of my heart, too heavy, too complicated, or maybe too sacred to release. We all have them… things we never say. Maybe because we’re afraid. Maybe because we don’t think anyone would understand. Or because silence feels safer than vulnerability.

I’ll never say how often I feel like I’m not enough. How the smallest moments can echo in my mind for days, replaying every word I said, every look I misread. I’ll smile and say I’m fine because it’s easier than unraveling the truth. I’ll never say how much I miss certain people - people who are still alive but feel oceans away. How some goodbyes never really felt like endings, and some relationships faded without explanation. I carry those ghosts quietly, never asking them to return, but never really letting them go. I’ll never say how tired I am, not physically, but emotionally. How exhausting it is to keep it all together when some days, I don’t even know who I am trying to be. Some things feel too raw to share, even with the people I love. I’ll never say how the little things hit me, I take things too personally. Those words sit with me, whether or not you meant it. I’ll never say how deeply I wish to have my own friend group. How much I crave to be understood and for people to WANT to be around me and not because they have to.

And maybe that’s the saddest part, how often we love or want in silence. How often we suffer in silence and how much of oursleves we keep hidden just to protect our most fragile parts. But still, here I am, typing it all on here. Not saying it, but sharing it. In hopes that someone out there feels a little less alone reading it. Maybe you have things you’ll never say. And maybe, that’s what connects us.